The fear of the unknown scares us all. Trepidation beats heavily on the doors of the heart. And it’s with this innate fear that we run from pillar to post looking for answers. Looking for answers that will suit what we envisage for the future. Skim through astrology papers, delve into tarot cards and if all else fails, run to the scriptures. The hand-me-down sitting swathed in dust will suddenly be the most prized possession.
For a long time, the chains keep us bound down- Chains of the past, chains of our perspective of now and the chains of what might be the future. Looking behind and letting those memories haunt us, we let those devils of a yesterday long gone control the beating of the heart, the sighing of the soul and the whispers of the mind. All for a yesterday we saw through, all for a tomorrow that may be brighter than today.
Virtues and vices intermingle and put us in a quagmire. We don’t even see anything beyond the hazy smoke that we envelope ourselves in- In a state so inebriated that we make the tomorrow a poorer shadow of the yesterday, in a state so doped with negativity that all the silver linings are relegated into oblivion.
Self-help books and good advice from well-meaning family and friends makes no sense. It’s the world against you and you, ALONE, against the world. Fighting the known, unknown, comprehensible and the incomprehensible. Without reason, without sparing a thought to why you are doing it.
The anger bottled up inside you kills you more than it harms anybody else. In not forgiving, you feel you have paved another’s path to hell, without realizing that you have made yourself a prisoner. A slave for him/her to sneer at, a prisoner subject to his/her whims-what a pity! You have given it all, continue giving all and yet, you blame yourself for faults, which are not yours.
And then, one fine day, good sense wins the battle. That beaten and bruised soul is not yours. It was an apparition you had created, a figment of your imagination. You thought you lost in the battle for survival. Thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts- tiny, little fleeting moments of weakness or flickers of strength. But powerful enough to ruin you, powerful enough to build you. And, YOU almost let them break you.
See yourself in the mirror today. Notice those dark circles where there were none? What happened to that sparkle, that naughty sparkle in your eyes? What happened to that fire within you that shone on your face? You let somebody else, something else wipe it all away...and you thought you knew all about sins?
Let that someone be. Let that somebody be. Let them be. Let her be.
How did you feel when you threw those thoughts away and breathed in the air- That sweet syrup as it licked you alive? How did you feel when you felt the tingle of the cold water running down your back? Were you numbed into silence or elated enough that it took your breath away?
How could you let yourself go?
All it took was will power. A firm stand. A stern ‘NO’. And there you are…Alive, full of vigor, full of life to take on the world with that same smile, that same calm, cheerful disposition.
Nobody knows the future. Don’t beat yourself over it. Smile.
And love yourself. Nobody else is in a better position to do that than yourself.
After all, The best trips like the best love affairs never really end... they just get better.
